Tucked away in Covent Garden is a small space of clam. Inner Space meditation centre runs free meditation and self awareness courses and classes and were the first people to teach me meditation. To me, meditation is like needed a warm bath after a day on your feet to relax your muscles only for the mind: our biggest muscle that has enough to do aside from all the thoughts and images we fill it with.
So after all the stress of my housing situation and its somewhat authoritarian attitude from management (a bit like when school teachers used to tell you off) I found myself returning to the shop in need of some calm. Guided meditations on Youtube have been helping me a lot the last few weeks to take a moment out but I wanted get a cd of something longer.
I was recommended for something a litter deeper to try their CD called ‘The Jewel’. It begins with a visualisation of sitting at a control panel and turning off switches with each part of the body. Combining this with the music I always picture a retro space movie imagery, a bit Barbarella, which instantly puts me in a better mood.
Wanting to say everything seems to be falling to bits without cornering the woman in the shop to my life woes I pointed out how being partially sighted in the West End is a bit like being on an assault course and was invited to use the Quiet Room downstairs. This is probably the quietest and calming room you will find beneath the crowds and traffic. I enjoyed the music and glowing wall like a hot sun going down.
Tonight I went to a talk hosted by them in ‘Letting Go and Moving On. It was really enlightening to hear the reasons I think deep down we know but ignore or argue on why we cling on to things that prevent us going forward. My broken record at the moment is ‘I am recovering from 2 years sleep deprivation from a drunk and a dementia patient who lost me my career and study and wore me down to being a zombie.’ I’m sure it’ll make Christmas number one. I have to let go of all this difficulty around me caused by the actions of living in supported housing. The fact that I finally took the plunge to get a new flat that feels like a lovely home and to be told I have to lose it has been a low blow on their part.
Recently I have been thinking of relocating to Edinburgh, the most beautiful place I have been where I feel I can breath and laugh. I want to focus more on low aerial dance and that is something I don’t fit the criteria or budget for in London. However it is hard when London feels so great right now.
On Monday BBC Radio four are visiting my flat to interview me and my ex neighbour. We have amazingly put aside our difficulties to try and fight this awful rehousing. But I am so tired of fighting. I asked the receptionist if we could use the lounge and she said she would get a member of the facilities team to ring me. I did not say why I needed it. Nobody rang so I went to the office and was immediately told I can not use the lounge for media purposes. In fact I was told the lounge can not be booked at all which is bizarre considering all the music rehearsals we privately book it for in the past. What is even more bizarre is the facilities manager tells me he has warned that I want it by the woman incharge of rehousing us (the one who sugguested I should live in mental homes that don’t exist!) and all this is rather strange considering I never mentioned the purpose.
I rang rehousing lady who denied everything as always and said booking the lounge was nothing to do with her department! So how did she know I was doing a radio interview? See the daily petty stresses they put on us renting here. I like meditation- there is only the present you breathe in and everything else goes away.